Quoted By:
I'm 23 years old. I'll be 24 soon.
I have so much fucking hope that it hurts and sometimes I wish I didn't.
No matter how bad things get I have hope.
Maybe that's why all my suicide attempts have failed. Because in the back of my mind I still want to live.
For so many years I told myself I was weak because the idea of being strong terrified me. I don't even know why.
But I am strong. And I am hopeful.
But I also have depression and anxiety. And sometimes life is very hard. Sometimes the nights are far too long.
And when that happens I sometimes wish I could let go of that hope that says "There is still so much to see", "Things are so beautiful", "You can do this".
I lost both of my fiance's in my life from this habit of mine.
I would tell them "You're amazing".
"You can do this."
"You're perfect the way you are."
"I believe in you."
And sometimes I guess people don't want to hear that. I get told that I push people. That I make them feel like I expect too much from them. That I build them up to be what they're not.
But that's how I see people. I know that they make mistakes, but I just know that they have strength and beauty and talent.
Maybe if I wasn't such an optimistic little fuck I could find love. Maybe i could stop going through these motions of a failed life.
Sometimes I think I hate my optimism more than my depression.
But in the end it always boils down to the fact that I just can't give up.
