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She never gave a shit about me
We were never an official thing, but what I felt for her was so fucking real.
In high school we awkwardly tried to date. She ended up cutting me out of her life because she was so shy.
A year later we tried again. Her friends kept telling me "Don't give up on her, she really cares about you, she's just never had anyone before so she doesn't know how to act."
We started going on dates, things got really good. We spent time. I made her laugh. God do I miss her laugh and smile. The best part was it was directed at me and only me. We'd be sitting in an empty forest and she would just sit there and smile at me. A good part of it was because she was shy and didn't know how to act around me, but I like to think that another reason was because at that time she felt what I felt.
It's that stupid teenager love where you think she's the only thing that matters. And she was the only thing that mattered. I was a year older than her, and I graduated high school a year before her. Instead of heading right off to college, I waited because I really wanted this to work out. Soon she just started what I could assume was losing interest. I told her twice that if she lost interest to just let me know now because I don't want to be wasting either of our time. She told me she's just getting busy with her senior year, and that she cares about me, but doesn't have as much time as we did before.
This kept on until I snapped after a few months, and passive-aggressively told her via text that I feel like I'm the only one who wants this to work. I go back and forth on whether or not I was being selfish for wanting her as part of my life. She told me she really does have feelings for me, but just doesn't have time. "It's not fair to you and I'm so, so sorry, anon."