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Been aimless for a while after high school ended, got a small useless degree because mom ask and I just really couldn't think of anything better to do with my life other than doing the family business. Still regret not going to proper uni but my mind always finds ways to keep me from achieving anything, it's hard, too far away, too expensive, you only want a meme degree so you're going to waste your youth on nothing, etc.
So keep going with the business, it was shit, I hate everything related to it, dealing with clients, employees, the whole ambient, but I was bloody good at it and I felt like I was someone, I could hear what people spoke of my work and my business I feel fucking proud about it by names in the industry knew me and often prefered to work with me rather than the rest of my family, It felt great to see people that didn't know me to feel anxious when this 18yo appear in their at their door to direct one of their dream nights and see them leave with complete releif and happiness, but that didn't make the shit that came with it any better or what it paid any better, so I'm kinda relieved COVID killed it. Yeah, instability and a general fear of the future is what I and everyone in my family are paying for it now but I don't feel shackled anymore, family is still here being a weight but I've settled on giving them up, I've told them I'm leaving, now I just hope I can make good on my word, cause fucking damn it I chose a tough destination. Moving to countries to my childhood paradise could be literally the worst choice of my life, it's plagued by many of the BS I hate of my current country, the society and culture there will prove a challenge for my introverted self and I got to learn a whole new language I can barely bring myself to study and nothing guarantees my life will be better there, in fact, everything points to a life of hardship, but it's literally the only dream I've ever had in my inner, death-like life so here I go.
