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Confused mostly.
Things were actually going very well but I keep getting bouts of depression, especially now that I have chistmas holidays and went to see my family I felt like shit.
Generally still advancing in life on education/career level, doing this course to access higher education and hopefully next year I'll be in a university, studying, and later on be an ESOL teacher abroad so I get to experience the world a bit, before finally settling down somewhere as a proper teacher. I've got ambitions at least.
Love life is still dragging me down heavily, don't really know myself what I want. I'm a real romantic and can't really sustain casual open relationships, yet a proper one isn't really a possibility either because of my situation, I frequently move from place to place, even abroad. This leads to just some peaks of sexual repression that manifest themselves in horrible one night stands, and it just fills me with bad feelings and regret, given that I have attached a moral value to the act of sex.
I really don't know. I'm still pushing onwards but I feel like my performance of life is quite hindered by my way of seeing things. I don't really feel comfortable with a lot of modern culture, and struggle to meet people I can feel comfortable with. I don't have many friends because I don't like people, and it kind of sucks.
I've really been having a lot of progress however in the last two years ever since I moved from my hometown and lived on my own, I've had so many experiences I never had before and I actually felt quite elated for periods, but then I just have periods of depression.
Perhaps I should seek to get some medical counseling.
