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I have so many things to say...I just don't know how to begin. Anon, this shit sucks and I'm sorry. I've been there, I've felt like...will this ever end? Is there even a way out? And if there was, would it be enough? I haven't figured it out yet...but I have done a lot of things differently, that's for sure. I guess, what is it YOU want? What makes YOU happy? Because I don't believe it's really any of the sadness you've expressed here...