[10 / 7 / ?]
So I just failed a class. I have never before failed in my life until now. I’m a sophomore in college, and I have parents who expect so much from me. I have made them proud over and over again, and they trust me with their lives. One of my biggest fears is losing that trust, along with them being greatly disappointed in me. I was top 40 in my high school (somewhere in the 30s; not that impressive but it was enough for my parents). I received decent grades for my first year of college despite being 9 hours away from home and all the workload. Things went really well, and my parents couldnt have been happier. I was succeeding. Summer comes along, I’m taking one class for five weeks, and all of the sudden, I just fail. I cried and punched myself that night. They had confidence that I will continue to succeed, and so why would they ever worry about me failing? I havent told them I failed yet, but I’m acting as if I had passed, as if everything is going well as usual, and they are completely believing me. Now that I have dropped the ball, I’m just so afraid and angry at myself. I’m afraid of my father beating the shit out of me for wasting his hard-earned money on my education. I’m afraid of my mom just shunning me for failing this one time. I keep thinking they’re right. Just how the fuck could I possibly let this happen? How could I have the audacity to waste money and time? How could I afford to be so goddamn stupid??I think I deserve whats coming, but I just feel so depressed and hopeless. I impress a lot of people, but I wont ever amount to anything unless I first impress the two people that raised and loved me since I was born, but I guess I’m failing at that too. I finally fucked up big time, and my parents wont see me the same way ever again. I dont know what to do. I’m a waste of time and money and I dont deserve their support anymore.