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death is inevitable and life is meaningless, do what you want, there's nothing objectively wrong with staring at the wall and jacking off all day, no legitimate reason to feel guilt and shame for living this lifestyle, only arbitrarily established notions caused by social conditioning, e.g. "I'm X age so I'm supposed to be doing Y, I'm wasting my youth!" etc., dealing with neurodivergence + depression is tiresome to the point where it takes up most of your time and leaves you too exhausted to do anything "productive", your environment could also be negatively affecting you, a dysfunctional/abusive family for example, it would be better to focus on getting your shit together first before trying to get invested into a hobby
