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Resources on social skills

Anonymous Tue 10 Dec 2024 11:53:48 No.1504066 View View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>1504071 >>1504094 >>1504099 >>1504194 >>1504351 >>1504445

I’m trying to become more social and outgoing after living for 25 years as a hermit. Obviously going out and talking to people is the main way to do this, but I’d like to know if there are any resources, such as books, that could help me out

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 10 Dec 2024 13:32:58 No.1504071 Report

Quoted By: >>1504445

>>1504066
How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 10 Dec 2024 16:07:39 No.1504093 Report

Quoted By:

you can also try discord voice chats
there are servers specifically meant for improving social skills

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 10 Dec 2024 16:10:47 No.1504094 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504066
off-the-wall suggestions but try "Impro" by Keith Johnstone and "The Gervais Principle" by Venkatesh Rao

Anonymous

Anonymous Tue 10 Dec 2024 17:15:43 No.1504099 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504066
Khajiit is that one furry pedo right?
Who's dark elf?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 11 Dec 2024 06:19:58 No.1504194 Report

Quoted By: >>1504231 >>1504351

>>1504066
When things get that bad people block it out of their consciousness that it's even happening.

They will also jump to the opportunity that they must be superior if they don't have the same problem, and try to posture as the experts. Their only real "superiority" usually is not having the problem to begin with. It's like being the expert of healing your liver by the virtue of not having liver problems to begin with. People really like feeling like they're better so they will latch onto every chance they can to do that, and will convince themselves and others that it's the case.

For all I know it may not actually be fixable, and I don't say this lightly.

People who feel they are superior need it to look like you're just not doing enough so that they can justify their own superiority. If it's fucked for some people then they themselves are just lucky (or not fucked over) and not social gods. No one wants that. You speaking or making effort is a reminder to them that they are not that great and they will hate you.

There's some experimental stuff. You could count the number of interactions, try to rate them. Another approach is figuring out the ultimate (not proximate) reason for humans needing interaction in first place and trying to supplement that. It's guesses though. There's nothing solid I could honestly recommend. Anyone can write a book on anything, it doesn't mean dick that there's a book, it has to also actually work and be useful.

A lot of those guides you find will assume a baseline of you already knowing someone, or already having some contact with family that isn't fucked. If there isn't anything to work with it may just effectively be unworkable at this point. I think people try to prevent this instead of trying to fix it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 11 Dec 2024 13:32:19 No.1504231 Report

Quoted By: >>1504235

>>1504194
gay defeatist cope based on nothing

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 11 Dec 2024 14:21:17 No.1504235 Report

Quoted By: >>1504273

>>1504231
What do YOU got, acting like hot shit? Talking shit?

Guess it depends how bad it is. There are points beyond it's kind of "good luck", tell me I'm wrong. What, you gonna wave a magic wand? You gonna talk yourself into results? You gonna read a book, and make shit manifest?

Anonymous

Anonymous Wed 11 Dec 2024 17:27:06 No.1504273 Report

Quoted By: >>1504322

>>1504235
retarded word salad post

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 01:09:23 No.1504322 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504273
Your mom. Enjoy your fantasy, manchild.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 04:28:54 No.1504351 Report

Quoted By: >>1504354

>>1504194
this is just more freudian flawed bullshit assumption that all people are needlessly and entirely competitive. at any rate, us going at eachothers throats like this isn't going to give this poor guy any reason to want to talk to people.
>>1504066
if you want to talk to people more, try to listen to what they have to say. eavesdrop in a cafe or laundromat or whatever. listening is half of communication, so it's good to start there. it sounds weird, but talking to yourself is a good way to practice conversation fluently and naturally (just dont do it in public!) I was autistic and I didnt really start talking that much until I was older, and this is how I did it, so in theory this should work for you. you dont have to force yourself into a conversation, I guarantee that if your living in proximity with people, eventually, there will be a situation where you will feel a reason to talk, be it to help, advise, persuade or comfort, and that is likely the best time to make conversation. dont forget to make eye contact, its the hardest part. I just look at the nose.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 04:55:13 No.1504354 Report

Quoted By: >>1504357

>>1504351
>assumption that all people are needlessly and entirely competitive
Not ALL people but I'd say it's about half.

There's also well meaning ones who want well but don't know the answer.

There's also people who fool themselves than the N'th year of chudmaxxing is gonna get them jack shit.

You're kinda fucked. Better off building something in the physical world instead of fooling oneself.

> us going at eachothers throats like this isn't going to give this poor guy any reason to want to talk to people
So what, lala world is better?

> if you want to talk to people more, try to listen to what they have to say.
Blah blah blah, you're the PUA expert who's gonna "lead" this guy. You're the social chad, cause some guy is worse off. Such a pretentious phoney, fuck you and fuck your gay tips.

> it sounds weird, but talking to yourself is a good way to practice conversation fluently
Oh yeah, talking to himself is gonna get him far, like the psyche ward maybe. Fuck you, you're not the PUA god, fuck off.

> I was autistic
Oh and now you're not, now you're the god of normalcy who is the god of the weirdos. Fuck you.

> and this is how I did it
And now you're plowing through pussy, eat a dick.

> so in theory this should work for you
If it's so great why don't you do it yourself and stop being such a pussy.

> I guarantee that if your living in proximity with people, eventually, there will be a situation where you will feel a reason to talk, be it to help, advise, persuade or comfort
Yeah, they will wanna be pals with an outcast. It's a happy lala world.

Don't believe this guy OP. You are best off asking LLM for tips on life, trying to work things out yourself, you might be fucked if parents and society fucked you over. They NEED you to think that you're just not trying hard enough because it's their ego - they're the self made chads - they have to have you think that if you wanted to you could be like them and you're just not making effort.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 05:05:04 No.1504357 Report

Quoted By: >>1504361

>>1504354
There's no fucking materials. No one gives a fuck.

What they care about is their shit book deal in which they jerk off to what chads they are and how you can be like them if you stop being gay and realise that the author of the book is the giga chad you should worship.

I don't like JBP but he has a good point in that making things "a little bit less fucked" bit by bit is a real path. It won't lead you to any real solutions but it will make your life a bit more bearable.

Part of the problem is defining what even is supposed to happen. Just being physically present around other people in itself doesn't necessarily mean jack shit. Just because you receive a positive response doesn't mean anyone actually values you. People say nice things when they ghost you, because they're socialised to say nice things. The rot and decadence runs many levels deep. It's really dark and fucked. I think it's important not to let resentment destroy you. Fuck these self-help cucks.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 05:31:11 No.1504361 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504357
Now that I think about it, I don't think it can be conveyed in a book. Someone has to give a fuck about you IRL and if there isn't even one such person you might just be fucked. It's sad but it seems to be the case. The people fucking you over NEED you to believe that it's well deserved and that you are not doing enough because it gets them hard to talk down and absolves them of having to do dick. They're almost always sacks of absolute feces. If you objectively rank your skill they will almost always fall way below you, it just feels good to talk down to someone.

The root of this is people wanting themselves to be worshipped as gods. And if anything is working they want to use it themselves to further their own well-being and maybe of their own lineage (not a given), and will feed horse shit to other people that will get them sick and fucked up.

Another root of this is believing words of other people over what your eyes and gut are actually telling you. Usually the gut will be the truth - the words are just whatever bullshit you have to believe and say to get you through the day. Usually none of it is true.

One upside to this fucked up situation is that the earth and the sky welcome you, it's just these gate-keeping tramping-down turds that don't. It's their power trip to keep the foot on the gate, it gets them hard to do this. Without it they're nobody. The superior exist only in reference to the inferior. You're supposed to blame yourself for not lifting 50 million mountains. If you do lift them then that's the problem because you weren't actually supposed to or whatever, whatever the fuck, keeping you busy with bullshit that doesn't work. There's always some problem. Fuck these pigs. They don't know, they don't care.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 07:15:20 No.1504369 Report

Quoted By: >>1504372

have a mental breakdown somewhere else please

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 07:25:55 No.1504372 Report

Quoted By: >>1504375

>>1504369
How about get a brain

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 07:32:02 No.1504375 Report

Quoted By: >>1504376 >>1504377

>>1504372
no u.
you're projecting your failures on op as though he has the same issues you do.
i think your brain needs an update, you clearly have no theory of mind.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 08:06:56 No.1504376 Report

Quoted By: >>1504436

>>1504375
What's the matter, can't be the gigachad of socialising now?

Only failure here is you. You don't control what is and isn't true, you don't control the narrative, especially not you.

You're just looking for an angle to dunk on me rather my theory of mind being actually lacking. I made some guesses about his situation but it can't be too off.

You don't have shit, only thing you have is your supposed superstar status. You're a fucking dumbass, fuck you. You're nobody.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 08:10:01 No.1504377 Report

Quoted By: >>1504380 >>1504436

>>1504375
You're fucking dogshit. Not only you have nothing but you're a net negative, only self-serving under the guise of "helping". I see what you're doing you lil shit. What's the matter, messed up your lil grift?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 08:24:38 No.1504380 Report

Quoted By: >>1504436

>>1504377
Here's a lil tip for "social skills":
1. not have adults fuck up your life growing up
2. if can't have 1 - cope (own: reason, intuition, experience), avoid cocksuckers trying to sell you a book, avoid cocksuckers calling you a failure to pump their own ego - they do it because they feel like failures themselves, otherwise they wouldn't need it

That's my 2 rules for life by Cocksucker Suckerson

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 08:48:59 No.1504388 Report

Quoted By:

test

Anonymous

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Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 09:06:35 No.1504395 Report

Quoted By:

test

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 15:08:38 No.1504436 Report

Quoted By: >>1504440

>>1504376
>>1504377
>>1504380
meds

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 15:35:18 No.1504440 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504436
cuck

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 15:37:08 No.1504442 Report

Quoted By:

Why would I want to be accepted by fucking dogshit as "proper"? Get fucked. I say whatever the fuck I want, don't need the approval of some cuck. The fuck you gonna do about it.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 15:40:03 No.1504443 Report

Quoted By:

These cucks control one another through shame and approval. Every now and then a self-appointed "chad" gives instructions which don't work - you have to lick the snake oil off his dick and then he "approves" you, until you figure out how full of cum and shit he is.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 15:43:08 No.1504445 Report

Quoted By: >>1504446

>>1504071
This one helps only for networking, not for getting actual deep friendships, btw
>>1504066
48 Laws Of Power

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 12 Dec 2024 15:47:06 No.1504446 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504445
How about 48 laws of cum in ur butthole.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 04:42:04 No.1504564 Report

Quoted By: >>1504568 >>1504573

No one gives a fuck, almost. It's just the reality.

What people want is the social status of being caring, while actually having their head up their own ass and doing nothing, or even being a net negative.

The traps - as I see it - are people's willingness to fool themselves and others to feel better and to game social status. You can see through it once you see enough examples. What helped me make things less fucked was "I'm OK, You're OK" but it didn't "fix" anything. It just made things less fucked.

It's like being pushed off of a cliff and you have the choice of climbing and pretending you'll ever get back to the edge or can rot at the bottom - at the end of the day that's what it comes down to.

The egoists NEED, absolutely NEED, to see people like me as a "failure" because if I'm not one then they're not "winners" and have no claims to superiority. It's a fucked system.

The way you tackle - to the extent that it's even possible to begin with - this fucked up situation - to best of my knowledge - is first principles and as objective markers as possible for claiming that anything is getting better. That way it's less open to social narrative fuckery. When you have undeniable provable things it's harder from them to fuck with it - although they will still try.

Society is a rotten feces. What you can do - in my mind - is to try to be a node in it that clutches to reality and tries to come up with something in spite of everything.

When the cucklets respond with "take your medz lul" to my post they're not offering any intelligent critique. It's an attempt to shame me the same way they were shamed. They don't have solutions, it's just that at least one of their parents didn't fuck them over - now positng as superior chads according to "in the land of the blind one eyed man is the king". It's really all it is though, they're losers for the most part. When faced with same challenges they wouldn't do any better, they'd do worse. Takes many years to realise this.

Anonymous

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Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 05:13:13 No.1504568 Report

Quoted By: >>1504569

>>1504564

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 05:15:59 No.1504569 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504568
Yeah cause you're a shit poster knuckle head incapable of intelligent argument. Wasn't intended to you anyway, but to people actually trying to tackle this. I don't give a fuck what you think.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 05:27:34 No.1504573 Report

Quoted By: >>1504583

>>1504564
that's lot of words to say "life isn't fair".
i don't agree with your idea everyone wants to push you down to feel better about yourselves. it's not malicious like that. nobody's pushing you down but the expectations you put on yourself. it's just that we're all born alone and we all die alone.
>to best of my knowledge - is first principles and as objective markers as possible for claiming that anything is getting better.
this is good advice. it helps to know where you are and where you're going. write down your goals and your thoughts. then read them later.
>That way it's less open to social narrative fuckery. When you have undeniable provable things it's harder from them to fuck with it - although they will still try.
and now you're getting into a persecution complex. there's no "them" trying to fuck with you, there's just a lot of people doing a lot of things. and humans are meant to work together in small tribes of a few hundred people at most, so our current societies of millions of people are not conducive to happiness. we literally aren't designed for this, so the only way we can cope is by creating this "them" character to bunch all these people together and represent the social pressures we feel. to be happy what you want to belong to is a small community of people, not a huge society of nobodies.
this is completely off-topic though and i resent you for derailing op's thread into depressing bullshit instead of offering advice.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 06:29:28 No.1504583 Report

Quoted By: >>1504584

>>1504573
>i don't agree with your idea everyone wants to push you down to feel better about yourselves.
Not everyone, about 50%. 45% wants to help but don't know how to or offer things that don't work or they're stuck in same shit or junkies/pillheads/coomers, 5% has things that actually work - I collect those against all odds

>it's not malicious like that.
maybe in your bubble everything is great, I'm not in your bubble

>nobody's pushing you down but the expectations you put on yourself.
it's what you need to believe to feel like a self-made winner

>it's just that we're all born alone and we all die alone
Yes we birth ourselves. 2+2=5

>write down your goals and your thoughts
that's not good enough, absolutely crucial to operate off first principles in my experience. that means objective markers such as the number the weight scale shows - governed by physics itself not le high councellor of weight narratives

>and now you're getting into a persecution complex
Oh yeah, you just diagnosed me. I'm not fucked with by cucks, I'm just a wacko. How about fuck you.

>there's no "them" trying to fuck with you
Everything is great, I'm just "the problem". Gocha. How about fuck you?

>and humans are meant to work together in small tribes
Yeah and I'm not part of one because "not trying hard enough / choice / complicated"

>so our current societies of millions of people are not conducive to happiness
happiness is for children and women, I grew out of wanting that long ago

>by creating this "them" character
the fuckery that gets leaked is kinda helping that creation. how about fuck you

>to be happy
I don't even want to be happy. How about you be happy, believe what makes you feel good and get away from me.

>this is completely off-topic though
no it isn't offtopic, one doesn't just wake up at 25 as a hermit, things lead up to it

>i resent you for derailing op's thread
glad you do, fuck you

>instead of offering advice
I did. most important not to listen to you

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 06:35:03 No.1504584 Report

Quoted By: >>1504585

>>1504583
yeah ok i guess you just want to spout your own beliefs and treat 4chan as your personal blog where you're never wrong and just tell everyone who replies to you to fuck off. what a waste of time.
why did i bother responding with an actual discussion?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 06:38:47 No.1504585 Report

Quoted By: >>1504586 >>1504588

>>1504584
>treat 4chan as your personal blog where you're never wrong
I can be wrong but it has to be shown, not shunned through narrative control.

>what a waste of time.
hope I wasted my time, it makes me - to use your word - happy
don't let the door hit you in the ass

>why did i bother responding with an actual discussion?
Still here? Good riddance.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 06:44:19 No.1504586 Report

Quoted By: >>1504588

>>1504585
i was just trying to have a discussion and you're trying to have a battle. why are you doing this? do you think i'm your enemy?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 07:02:49 No.1504588 Report

Quoted By: >>1504591

>>1504585
OP, this is how you deal with the "PUA chad" scum.

The deriding pieces of shit who give you advice of licking the snake oil off their dick for an affordable price.

The merchants of "happiness". You don't try to be happy, you want to try to make things work. What helps make things work is objective things you can measure and prove. Things will often feel very bad but the little that does work will function - and that's good but in a different way. "happiness" - if it emerges as a byproduct good, if it doesn't good.

Learn a skill, something people are willing to pay for. If being an excluded outcast at least going down with some human dignity.

Make up your own mind for how things work. Don't let the "knowers of things" fuck with words. No one has it all figured out. Physics, reason and evidence is their kryptonite.

>>1504586
Thought your time is being wasted. What are you doing here? Don't you have your make-believe lala world of happiness to tend to? You want a pat on the head?

I'll try to give you an explanation nevertheless. Not everyone is worth associating with. I've learned this the hard way. Sometimes being alone is much better than stuck with shit heads that drag you down "to help you". This is the answer to your question.

Ideally it shouldn't be a battle. People have their heads far up their own ass though.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 07:15:22 No.1504591 Report

Quoted By: >>1504593

>>1504588
>Thought your time is being wasted. What are you doing here?
trying to make you post some actual advice instead of ranting incoherently. it appears to have finally worked.
>Don't you have your make-believe lala world of happiness to tend to? You want a pat on the head?
i never claimed to be happy, i just posited a worldview. the same way you did in this thread, the same way literally everyone does based on their own experiences. there are grifters, sure, but most people are just trying to figure it out.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 07:39:34 No.1504593 Report

Quoted By: >>1504602

>>1504591
>trying to make you post some actual advice instead of ranting incoherently
oh right, so it's your master plan

>i just posited a worldview. the same way you did in this thread
mine isn't the best or the only there is but it's something, it's compatible with things being seriously fucked - which they must be or about to get if one is completely isolated - I try to read between the lines

>there are grifters, sure, but most people are just trying to figure it out
Now that I think about it you're probably about that right. The grifters are a minority but they do disproportionate amount of damage so it seems like they're a majority.

Something I really struggle with even to this day is objective markers for doing socially less bad given that it's so subjective and prone to rhetoric, and that everyone wants to seem like they're cool, and everyone likes fool themselves that things are happening when they're not. I have some pieces of the puzzle but haven't turned into a functioning thing yet. Most "tools" already assume that there's even one human that you know IRL - at least your relatives - or that there's anyone that gives a fuck. Most assume that you're already habituated enough for it even to be possible to be physically present and not feel like a space alien. People will often put on a show - often with good intentions - that they care but it's just words - and they think they're doing a great thing. It's just appearances.

Being able to objectively tell what moves the needle might be key - because then one can improvise whatever makes things a little bit less bad - even if it's just moving the needle by a fraction of an inch. It isn't like weight though, you can't put a number on it, or at least I don't know how to. This is micro level - and the currency isn't "good" but "less fucked".

This can't be wildly different from what OP is dealing with. If he's stuck in this shit he'll have to contend with things in a similar ball park.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 13 Dec 2024 08:54:46 No.1504602 Report

Quoted By:

>>1504593
It might be that it isn't 1 number but a combination of 10 100 or 1000 or more key stats - more as needed - until things are manageable.

You don't need this if you don't have the problem to begin with. It's easy to be the "chad of not having that problem to begin with". Those people fold when faced with real difficulty and end up fucking pill heads drunkards.

Idea is that maybe it's made up a number of smaller objective stats that all combine into this bigger thing. This would make sense. Maybe this is it. Now it's just down to figuring out what they might be, and some all-encompassing way of categorising and charting them all.

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