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and i hate porn more and more, just knowing theres porn of yuno and akari having sex with d*cks makes me feel awful for some reason, so now i can't watch fun anime and enjoy it much anymore because the p*rn has ruined it for me, now all of my escapes are cut off, my wrath, my lust, my pride, my and i have to truly face how alone and sadly i feel, i start to blame my parents, i am in a total hole of blackness and i can't see light anywhere, i go more and more sad and graduate highschool barely never even saying hi to girl i had small crush on, it was dumb, not a big deal that i don't talk to her because it would never amount to anything anyway because i'm too mess up about everything, i have to face very real aloneness now and wrath comes back one last time to take my pain away, by directing itself at my own parents, i feel a lot of hateful sadness towards them because of the way they raised me without much caring, that when i said i wanted to drop out of high shcool they just thought i was being lazy when really it just made me so sad every day that i think about suicide there, but i think about suicide at home too i guess but that they didn't see it as a warning sign made me so mad, that they scolded me so harshely about standing up for myself whenever i was a kid, but soon i realize that in some ways they're just as messed up as me and doctors give them depression drugs and maybe that's why they thought everything was fine the whole time i was suffering, the media told them masculinity was evil maybe that's why in my brain i'm so effeminate, my dad doesn't have any friends either as far as i can tell, and i know that they really loved me, even though they messed up so badly my life, and so did i think, but i don't know, i had many things happen to me outside of my control that increased my insecurities and made me worse mentally, so i sit here now in very bad dysphoros and despair, and try my best to only think about Epic things
