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I grew up in a religious family, and went along with everything because it was all I knew and was normal to me
but a couple years back I realized that I didn't actually believe, I just was indoctrinated and held no personal conviction. I was never baptized because I never actually reached that level of emotional commitment
I still go to church every week with my family and am part of the church community that I grew up in
In the last year I've been questioning sexuality a lot. I've never used porn to masturbate because of some kind of subconscious guilt. When I was 12 I looked up pictures of genitals on wikipedia to see what they were meant to look like, and dad got mad at me because he thought I was using porn. I told him the truth but he thought I was lying, and I didn't know at the time what he thought I was doing so that whole situation was really uncomfortable and stuck with me
Growing up when I fapped I almost exclusively thought of my school friends fapping, rather than fantasizing about any sexual situations involving other people. I didn't think it was gay because I was just thinking of the act of masturbating, which was something I was familiar with myself and not a sexual fantasy involving two guys
In this last year I've realized that I might actually not be attracted to girls at all. I had crushes on a couple of girls in high school, but I never thought of them sexually. It was just "get married and live together" type shit I thought about. I can't think of a time when a girl has ever given me an erection.
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