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>Be Australian
>Walk down to servo
>Buy Four'n Twenty meat pie
>3 redbacks in meat pie
>Fuck it probably have natural immunity
>Walking across street with spider legs falling down my shirt
>Forgot ciggies
>About to cross back
>No cars in sight
>Hear rumbling
>Ground shaking
>Look to my left
>About 300 emus charging towards me
>Not again
>YouBetterRunYouBetterTakeCover.mp3
>Jump into bush
>Greeted by Red-bellied black snake
>Try to run away
>See some noonga chasing a roo right towards me, boomerang in hand
>Yelling some shit about centerlink and how wthie white dogs took his land
>Cunt throws the boomerang
>Get kicked by roo and hit with the boomerang simultaneously
>RupturedSpleen.jpg
>Concussion.png
>Wake up and see a tall bloke, about 6'4 and full of muscle standing on top of me, hands on hips.
>Says he's from Brussels
>Ask him if he speaks my language
>Looks as me with this cheeky grin on his face
>Shoves an 80c loaf of homebrand bread down my throat
>Chases it with a jar of Vegemite
Why does this always happen to me?
