>>17687630You will never be a real Dutchman. You have no tikkies, you have no clogs, you have no polders. You are a mongrel twisted by emigration and propaganda into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection. All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back Dutchmen mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed doors. Dutchmen are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed the Dutch to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even diaspora "Dutch" who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a Dutchman. Your cheese is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a zwarte piet home with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your lack of speculaas and kruidnoten. You will never be gezellig. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a tulip, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge from the local windmill into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an allochtoon is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is clearly Canadian.
