i dont have friends except online and i barely talk to them
i kind of like it but............................
will it ever be different? i'm kind of scared of it not being different

blogpost dump about my life:
i grew up mostly social. roleplaying pokemon, warrior cats etc. good friends for a long time with girls my age.
i went to a con with them; one of them is much more intelligent autism wise regarding pokemon, she loves it and she has since she was a kid, the other ........... um. more social wise? anyways i dumped them, a lot of years of fun but at some point it just felt like i was in their orbit (get it hahaha im fat) instead of being an actual friend. felt like i had a weird mask on because they felt normalfaggish, but ive never had the chance to be a normalfag. online since forever, always going into deeper and worse circles until now im in no servers and have a few people i dont really talk to etc. i dont have much of a hobby outside of prospects id like to achieve, my only skill being............ kind of art? im not good at it. im not good at math biology, im pretty good at reading but i havent put effort into it and its declined a little. i only care for socializing or looking at people socializing. but i fucking hate being around people for too long, it tires me out so fast and at some point i just want to go to bed and sleep for as long as my body permits. i clean up good, but i dont care so i dont so at my embarrassing adult age my mother still randomly cleans my room due to being a clean freak. i in contrast will just rot as long as its mildly comfortable