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Anonymous ID:cRXf1DIP Thu 18 May 2017 08:19:38 No.557346 View View Reply Original Report

There is a transgender suicide hotline because suicide rates are so high for trannies. It doesn't seem very helpful though because everyone who calls ends up getting cut off.

That's OC. What have you got /bant/?

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:rqkfMPJz Thu 18 May 2017 08:32:50 No.557511 Report

Quoted By: >>557586 >>560935

In Zimbabwe back during the colonial days, there were two slaves working to dig an irrigation ditch. In the horse-drawn cart above them, a white man smoked a pipe while reading a book.

1/2

The one slave said to the other, "why are we doing this, not him? What is this about?" The other slave responded, "I don't know, but white men have the guns so I do what they say. I have a hut and a family and we all eat and survive." The first slave thinks, and replies, "yes, but I am going to ask and figure this out."

He steps up out of the ditch, and walks over to the white man. Pointedly, he asks, "why do we work and you don't have to?"

The white lays down his book, crosses his legs, clasps his hands together and responds, "it's about intelligence mate."

The black slave thinks.

"What do you mean?"

"Alright, get on then." The white man slaps the seat in the carriage beckoning the black slave onto it. The black man obliges and boards the carriage. The white man states: "it's about intelligence." The slave responds, "I do not understand." The white man shakes his head.

They set off for the slave's quarters, only a quarter-mile away. The white man parks the carriage, and they both disembark. The white man walks to the wall of the slave's quarters and motions for the slave to come to him.

The white man places his fist, knuckles forward, against the wall of the cottage. "Punch me right here as hard as you can, blackie." The slave shows visible signs of confusion. The slave driver assures him, "it's quite alright, just go ahead."

The black man squares up, and throws a hard punch at the white's hand. At the last second, the white man recoils his hand, and the black man slams his fist into the hard concrete wall. While he writhes around on the ground nursing his hand, the white man concludes, "that is intelligence."

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:rqkfMPJz Thu 18 May 2017 08:38:11 No.557586 Report

Quoted By: >>560935

>>557511

The white man helps the black up, hands him his canteen of water, and places a ration of dried beef in the pocket of the black's work shirt. "You did alright, mate."

Both pile into the carriage, and the black disembarks upon arrival. The white nods as he returns to his book and pipe.

The black jumps down back into the ditch. The other slave asks, "so what is the reason then? Why do we work and not him."

The first black, confident, replies, "intelligence."

The second, in attempt at clarification, asks, "what do you mean by this?"

The first black holds his fist, knuckles forward, right in front of his face. "Punch me right here as hard as you can."

The second black thinks for a second, then throws a punch. The first black recoils his hand, and gets a few teeth knocked out.

The white man falls out of the horse carriage in laughter.
2/2

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1489649991382.jpg, 43KiB, 470x313

Anonymous ID:aJJAblvE Thu 18 May 2017 08:39:51 No.557604 Report

Quoted By:

>>557346
49 faggots and a muslim walk into a bar
boom boom

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:cRXf1DIP Thu 18 May 2017 08:43:54 No.557654 Report

Quoted By: >>558345

Uncle told me this one long ago.

Copper wire was invented when two Jews reached for the same penny.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:rqkfMPJz Thu 18 May 2017 08:46:11 No.557673 Report

Quoted By: >>557723

A Catholic priest, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar. That's just the first guy.

>badum-TSS

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO 1410954110532.jpg, 107KiB, 500x375

Anonymous ID:aJJAblvE Thu 18 May 2017 08:52:22 No.557723 Report

Quoted By: >>558121

>>557673
a abbo with a cat walks into a bar
the barman says we don't allow filthy fleabags in here
the cat says 'but he the one with pockets'

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:rqkfMPJz Thu 18 May 2017 09:16:24 No.558121 Report

Quoted By: >>558264 >>560468

>>557723
a black man walks into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder
the bartender asks, "where'd you get that then?"
the parrot replies, "africa, they're trouncing all over the cunt!"

Anonymous

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Anonymous ID:6smbxaQ5 Thu 18 May 2017 09:31:07 No.558264 Report

Quoted By: >>560468

>>558121
A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve niggers here." The black man and his friends chimp out and destroy every building on the street.

The irony is that the bartender was himself black and the bar was in a predominately black neighbourhood. All their protest did was lower the quality of life for black people and destroy the livelihoods of many of their brothers.

Miles away, in an affluent Portland suburb, a white, female college student tweets "#BlackLivesMatter is not a domestic terrorist group".

crazy old cat lady

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crazy old cat lady ID:YQwYii1d Thu 18 May 2017 09:38:06 No.558345 Report

Quoted By: >>558422

>>557654
This one got me

One day, Luigi comes up to Mario and says, "hey-a brother, I've got a weird proposition for you" and Mario replies, "ok, shoot".
Luigi asks, "I a-know how much-a work you do to save-a the princess and all, but times are tough and guys need release."
Mario responds, "what-a is it you're asking me?"
Luigi says, "I'll pay you 100 coins to let-a the princess go down on me" and with one swift pop, Mario punches him.
"how-a dare you ask such a thing of-a the princess!" And so he leaves and returns the next day.
"Mario, I know you didn't like-a the question, but I have-a to ask. 200 coins to let me sleep with the princess"
Again, a punch in the gut and a slammed door in the face, but now Mario thinks for a moment about his upcoming rent, but pushed the thought aside.
A week passes, Luigi visits again. "Ok brother, ive-a got an offer you cant-a refuse. 500 coins to let me put it in the princesses' ass, fuck her face, and cum in her tits". Mario wants to get furious, but he thinks about how the princess never laid him for all the times she's been saved and figures the money is worth it.
Now, we got Luigi plowing the princess, deep in her butt, pulling out, slapping her with his cock, but the whole time, all he's saying is, "I dont-a know, I dont-a know.."
Mario asks, "what is it, is something wrong with her?"
Luigi answers, "I don't-a know how Im-a going to pay you"

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:6smbxaQ5 Thu 18 May 2017 09:43:23 No.558422 Report

Quoted By:

>>558345
Holy shit I lost.

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:cRXf1DIP Thu 18 May 2017 12:22:35 No.560468 Report

Quoted By:

>>558121
>>558264
Amy Schumer gets on a bus with a duck and the bus driver says "No pigs on the bus!"
She says "That's not a pig. It's a duck!"
He says "I was talking to the duck!"

Anonymous

View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO d1534.jpg, 5KiB, 126x126

Anonymous ID:s+VDVAiE Thu 18 May 2017 12:59:12 No.560935 Report

Quoted By:

>>557511
>>557586

Anonymous

Anonymous ID:ATsfp2h6 Thu 18 May 2017 13:42:04 No.561574 Report

Quoted By:

>>557346
There was a massive earthquake in the middle east, causing the deaths of 3 million and prompting nations all over the world to send aid.
The French sent 20 million liters of water, the Mexicans sent 25,000 workers to help rebuild, the Germans deployed 5,000 medics, the Chinese sent 1,000 engineers, the Swedes sent 5 million tents, and the Brits sent 10,000 metric tons of food.
Not to be outdone, President Trump sent over 3 million Muslims to replace the population.

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