>>7501467Thankyou :D
Honestly, I'm "popular" online within my community. I create really nice high-end mods. But that doesn't do much in the way of "friendships" as most people just hit me up for my skills/because they want something from me. It's funny, but you spend hundreds of hours creating this awesome thing, thousands of people download it, love it, enjoy it, and yet, out of 10,000+ people, only a few friendships spawned, and most of those are just false. No amount of attention can ever give a realist any kind of emotional uplift. It fucking sucks, I hate analyzing peoples motives so much, because it just makes me a cynical bastard in the end.
They always say the outwardly happy are the closest to the end of the rope. I guess it holds true, because I'm the most pleasant polite person online/irl, but god damn does a day not go by where I pray for an 18 wheeler to slam my car so I can have an excuse to fucking die already.
I'm just numb anon, completely numb at this point. Going through the motions, trying to seek what little thrill and knowledge is left in this life to gain. I learned game development in under 2 months and produced the highest downloaded mods ever, I work as a carpenter as my day job, and everyone I work with/around is a god damn idiot. If I didn't work for myself, I would quit. But fuck man, I can't find any good help thats decently intelligent. Wrench monkies, all of them. Try talking about anything related to tech and they go "Oh dude my phone can play this awesome game! check it out!"... A fucking videogame blows them away, but talking about complex mesh rendering software and creating 4k textures does absolutely nothing, despite the fact that that IS creating fucking videogames.
Excuse the rant, best to get it out here before I head into work for another day of silent thoughts to myself, because any conversation had just results in braincells frying. Then it's home and back to modding more awesome things for people to feel happy.
