Sometimes when I feel in despair, I like to think that I'm dumb, I'm stupid and that I do not deserve a good life. It states me a vivid reason for my situation - that the world isn't such a waste and that I am not being burned in a wrong place, at wrong time, but merely lost in my pride.

And then I wait for the good things to happen. I provoke them, I try my best. I wait for something to prove me wrong - something that should never be taken for granted like a hidden law of the universe, but rather as goal or checkpoint one has to thrive for it to happen.
It always comes, sooner or later - and even though I know it's just another form of escapism that won't contribute much into my future or gonna prevent such meltdowns, it makes me think anew that world can be such a mess, but doesn't has to be.
And it really makes a difference~

I also feel like sad people have easier time starting a relationship, at least in common situations. They often want and care more to upkeep the contact - that little bit of despair works like long term adrenaline and suddenly you are the best friend and lover your subconcious could've ever hope to become.

Videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T76bK2t2r8g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EJu1Iu_Xqo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol54R27oibE&list=PL-L4-W3HYXp-JbXCPUXIYrD8R30iqMGox&index=1
ᶠᵘᶰᵏʸ ʷᶦᵏᶦᵖᵉᵈᶦᵃ ᵖᵃᵍᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵃʸ
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Francisco_Armory