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When I was Sixty Five I had really big trouble in the bathroom. All I had for breakfast was a huge hamburger, but not long after I ran and ran and I sit down on my toilet to take a dump, and I sit there, waiting for the poop to come out, but it was absolutely stuck in my anus. Anyway, after a few hours of this I said, "This is a big waste of my time," and I get the toilet plunger. I stand up and stick it onto my butt, and I start pumping away like mad, and I try and I try to get that crap out. It's hurting but I'm not taking no for an answer. Then, I noticed the plunger was stuck to my bum. Great, so now I get the Michael Rosen Lube™. Ah it was lovely. Anyway, I took the Lube™ and I rubbed it on my ass and the plunger popped right off me, wonderful. And then, I noticed there was a great big chunk of poop stuck to the plunger. I smell it; mmm, noice. Anyway, I think, "I'll get toilet paper." I tried to get the huge sloppy poop off the plunger, but it was sticky and my fingers went right through the toilet paper. So now, I've got the Michael Rosen Shite™ all over my knuckles. Meanwhile, my mum is at the bathroom door, my mum calls out, "Hello, is everything good?" I said, "Oh uhh, yeah great, everything's fantastic." Then, she asked, "Do you want an apple?" "Mom why the fuck would I want an apple, will you go away?!" "Okay Michael, Okay..." So I try to wash off the plunger in the sink, but my doo-doo was too sticky, and it clogged the sink. I was an idiot. Meanwhile, I've got little dripples of poop coming out my butt all over the floor, so I start sliding on the shitty floor. slam, kaput, ow! I lay there on the floor with soggy lumps of doo-doo all over my hair and face, "Oh no this is horrible!" "Perhaps," I thought when I got up this morning, "I won't have to put my face in a chunk of shit, but no, why should I get a break?" Anyway, I start taking off all my clothes and I get in the shower and I'm just washing up.
