>>3631508Isn't it amusing how you can push against the tides of your unbalanced brain chemistry and exert more effort than everyone around you, yet still lag behind them and perform miserably in comparison? I think about that every time people tell me that I'm not working hard enough. My absolute best falls short of most people's worst and it absolutely crushes my soul.
I can spend months and months planning a painting or drawing, yet I constantly see people many years younger than me doing infinitely better than me. I don't think being a mentally ill moron makes me virtuous or somehow morally better than anyone.Nor do I think that people achieve things effortlessly. But I detest the constant feeling of inferiority. Each ounce of joy I feel when creating something fades when I realize how mediocre and boring I actually am in spite of my best efforts. It feels like an impossible competition.
