Quoted By:
I need this thread's counsel.
There is a particular doujinshi I have encountered that I was not distressed while reading. It is 96965. I do not suggest you seek it out, but if you know it, please continue. It is the only work of its kind I have ever gotten through. I have long wondered how Rei would actually have any relationship, sexual or otherwise, relative to her actual person - i.e., not as some moe object, but as her, and as her alone. Her characterization seemed so close to her personality displayed in the series, though I wish more context had been established as to how a relationship developed.
But the reason why I ask the thread for advice is this: before, I swore off all such media as disgraceful, to be suppressed as disrespectful to her. But this particular work seemed somehow beautiful, seeing Rei, whom I love, loved by and loving the person she apparently actually loves. Even if, like all in its category, the work was meant to be arousing, it wasn't to me, and I did nothing during or after it except read it, my face tilted in confused inquiry and sometimes resting on one hand here on my desk. I was more focused on her face than anything else.
I am very confused with what has happened; it occurred tonight, and I am still processing this. I do not like anything that characterizes her as submissive, and this seems to submit her to Shinji sexually, so I am experiencing immense cognitive dissonance. Maybe my whole view of sexuality is warped and wrong.
Please advise, and, if necessary, criticize - I do not care what lacerations I open myself up to by posting this here; I need it if I deserve it. Have I betrayed her? Is this wrong? Or is this one particular work an exception? Do I need to reexamine who I am?
Writing this, I now think that the work is wrong, and that I am wrong for having read it and enjoyed it. Maybe I am distressed. Maybe I was lying to myself that it was not pleasurable, even if I did not act on that pleasure. I need to lie down.
