I'm having the worst day anons. Had a dream that deeply disturbed me. It was so amazingly hopeless. I hate my job, it's new (as a student engineer) and my manager is super chill, too chill. He gives me nothing to do so I spend at least 5 hours a day doing nothing in my cubicle and I literally mean nothing. I tried reading and journaling but quickly got bored. Anhedonia has hit me hard. I have no desire to do anything. The only reason I can type this now is because I got home which gives me a serotonin boost. I felt like I wanted to cry all day but knew that if I tried, I would only be able to get a tear or two. Everything good I expected after work failed on me also. I left the building to a rainy day when I was expecting a sunny one to cheer me up after a terrible 8 hours inside that building. I'm so starved, I have no appetite so when I mention that I have no appetite, my ma tells me not to eat. Which frustrated me and so I will not eat for as long as I can now to spite her (sounds childish, I know but she said "if I don't have an appetite, don't eat", and I rarely feel hungry after starving despite knowing I am). I wanted to cry in the shower after work but my brother finished all the hot water, plus the tears weren't really coming. I thought about dying all day.
Just got the text while writing all this to come pick up my first cat. I haven't been this excited in a long time. Although I am still on the verge of tears typing this.
>>3830593I think it will push me to help myself.
>>3829910>Why keep struggling with Japanesebecause you will have something to show for it in the end. You can say I did this. I am trying to learn but have feel off hard in the past two weeks.
>I'm extremely clingy and needy, but I'm also a socially anxious autist who can't trust anyone this hits close to home. I always thought of it as a bad joke also. I want you to keep trying to live though anon, I know there's someone (family, a pet...) that loves you.
