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I've been in such a pit lately. Be it for a week, a month or 12 years depending on how you look at it. I've fallen hard on old habits, alcohol to sedate and self harm to punish. My body is about as much a mess as my mind. I'm nearing the anniversary of my first failed suicide. To be honest I never saw it as a failure, my heart kept beating but something definitely died that day. Living in a post suicide world nothing has ever been quite the same.
I don't want to die daily, not how it has been in the past in the traditional sense. But my life is so destroyed, mind, body and soul that it seems a very likely reality that there's no way back to a sustainable way of living. There must be a point where the effort required to rebuild a life exceeds the value of the destroyed object. Everything can be replaced.
Anyway, that's my piece. I find these threads very comforting but this is my first vent. Thank you for being here.
