>>2922776Also, for some reason that newspaper he’s reading stuck with me. What must daily headlines in this world look like? I got to thinking about that at work today and brainstormed some dumb ones up just for fun.
>Fifteenth Month into Rebuilding of Overwatch Reveals New Signs of Progress: Drapes Chosen to Match Commissary Tablecloth. Elsewhere, Death Toll for Second Omnic Crisis Escalates>Notorious Assassin Widowmaker Sighted Laughing and Performing Obscene Gesture at Box of Orphaned, Terminally Ill Kittens>Unidentified Japanese Man Streaks Through Crowded Marketplace; Overheard Yelling “Fuck You, I’m a Dragon!”>Former Overwatch Captain Ana Amari on Trial for Dangling Daughter Off Hotel Balcony>Lena Oxton Publicly Comes Out as Gay. Counsellors Worldwide Report Unprecedented Surge in Number of Appointments Made by Male Clients>Bearded Swede Yells at Own Toaster After Mistaking it for Omnic Worker>Former Patients Call Dr. Angela Ziegler’s Credentials into Question. “She Pointed This Glowing Stick at Me and Said ‘Walk It Off.’”>Man in Cowboy Hat Refuses to Let 1800s End>Australian Man Admitted to Hospital After Putting Live Firework Down His Pants. “It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.”>Lúcio Arrested While on Tour in New Orleans for Possessing Blood Alcohol Content Below Acceptable Local Threshold>Prime Meridian Discovered to Be Off by 3cm. Indian Businesswoman: “I Don’t Know What to Believe Anymore.”>Armored, Hammer-Wielding Madman Assaults Wind Farm While Yelling About Giants>Talking Gorilla Tired of Harambe Jokes. “I Guess We All Just Look the Same to You.”>Tekharta Zenyatta Bares it All: 10 Mind-Blowing Positions That Will Help You Achieve Tranquility>Millions of Dollars in R&D Vanish from Tech Mogul Summit. “Wasn’t Me, Mang!” Says Lone, Sweating Witness.>Staff Note Mysterious Shortage of Morphine and Fruit Cups Following Australian Man’s Release from HospitalHappy Weekend.
