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I've been having awful disassociation since last year.
During december of 2020, I tried to take my life and failed. A friend of mine caught wind of what I was doing and called the police who arrived moments before I could pull the trigger. When I was in the psych ward, I genuinely didn't know if I had actually succeeded.
It's lessened as time has gone on but I get these flare ups where I don't know if I'm truly alive. I can feel my heart beat, can feel the air enter and exit my lungs, but for some reason it feels fake. Like I'm a corpse who just hasn't realized it's dead. It's such a horrible feeling, like swimming in sewage. All I want to do is just make it stop.
