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i am 25, a girl, haven't had close friends since probably high school, no one has ever loved me, have only been sober once this week and have become a legitimate alcoholic, starve myself multiple times on a weekly basis, just want some kind of physical human contact, can't have kids nor will i ever raise any, cry myself to sleep more than not, outside of probably one for two moments i have not felt genuine happiness in ages, every little thing upsets me to the point where i'll ignore people not because i want to but because i mentally can't handle talking to them anymore. so many of these things i've actually never been able to say aloud, acknowledge, or even tell anyone and it hurts.
i think i'm unironically losing my mind and every day i feel like i'm losing more and more control of my emotions. its a mix of faking my way through work only to sit in an hour of traffic to home and collapse. every little thing i do nowadays only makes me even more depressed and i don't know what to do. i used to keep my thoughts down in a diary sorta thing but i haven't opened it in a year.
thank you for being there for me /c/
i really don't know what i would do without you
