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Just a reminder for everyone, visiting a therapist is always an option. Your mind can get twisted over evils and trauma, whether it's your own, or someone that did you wrong in life. Therapists might seem intimidating, or perhaps that it's not for you, but everyone can use a therapist. They'll help you dismantle all the lies that you built up to protect yourself. Lies like 'I don't belong in this world,' 'people only want to hurt or take advantage of me,' 'nobody wants to be with me.'
The biggest step is to recognize that you're lying to yourself, and a therapist will only work if you're willing to improve. I really only wish the best for all my fellow anons on here