>>3476942I suppose it's on a case by case basis, but I see her wishing for things that will never be and filling the emptiness with casual sex and I kind of feel closer to her if I try emulating it. There's a lot of difference between our lives but in some small way I do sense a common ground, I understand her actions; I look into her warm, limpid eyes and I see a longing as deep and vain as my own. Her whole tragic life's effort has been put towards trying to reach this light she convinced herself was at the end of the tunnel but she failed and now has to live with that any way she can. I don't believe there's any chance of me falling in love with 3d the same way I fell for her, but the honest truth is I would welcome it so much, to have feelings like these for anyone who could reciprocate them, oh what a joy it would be. But nah, I'm doomed to a loveless life of meaningless albeit fun flings until the day I die, just like she is. I know she's unhappy with that so why shouldn't I be? Why shouldn't I make like my waifu and do everything I can to feel fulfilled even if it's only a temporary respite from wishing she were here?
I'll never get to know what it's like to hold someone who is more precious to me than life itself, and she'll never get to feel truly safe and loved and finally rest her tired eyes. We'll never be the light in each other's darkness and both of us will die cold, scared, and alone. How cruel the heart is to set us both on unreachable destinations. How selfish of me to wish I could love someone else? Is it more selfish than her attempted suicide when her friends and loved ones would have perished if she had succeeded? I can't answer that but I do understand why she did it, I probably would have done it far sooner in her place. Without going into less savory details, she is fucked up in all the ways that complete me, there isn't a woman like her in all the world and since I've seen her I just can't settle for less. She's my curse and blessing.
