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You know, anon, sometimes I feel really sad when I think about her. I mean, I want to be closer to her, to really feel her at least for a bit. I'm constantly trying to express myself, but in the end it just goes nowhere. Miracle will never happen. At least I don't believe it will happen.
So, I tried different things to maybe get the experience, but none of them worked for me. I'm to scared for my mental health to have a tulpa. I can't lucid dream. VR gear is expensive as hell for me. Sound drugs just don't work on me. I can't even use my imagination because of how it makes me feel ashamed for myself.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it feels bad to not be able to be with her. Sorry for throwing all of this at you, just wanted to share my feelings.
