>>3645602A old childhood friend and crush pass away this last winter most likely suicide(which is what it looks like cause of his last social media post). It hurts me so much cause our relationship got really really really messy and a ton of stuff happened and I always wanted to say I was sorry but could never. Then just out of the blue one of my friends calls me to tell me he passed away and to come to his remeberence and I didn’t go.
I was just getting over being sick so I used it as an excuse.
But to be honest I was scared, I treated him poorly he treated me poorly and it was a mess and then we never talked. I was scared to let my friends see me crying and that weak. Once I was alone I just lay on the floor and cried for hours. I wish I could say I was sorry for something but I never will be able to. I’m an awful human, I’m fucking terrible. I just don’t know.
There will be time I look back at old messages or play a old video game or listen to a old song and it will remind me of them and it just hurts. He was so young, I was hoping one day when I was older or in a couple of year that I would have been able to try to make amends in some way, but that will never happen. I was too late.