>>4074304>>4074698Well alright. One of the things that bothers me most about friendships is just how asymmetrical they always seem to be for me. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only person in the world that cares about another persons interests or hobbies or anything without the intent of having it benefit me somehow. It always feels like I'm the one trying to maintain the relationship, whether its messaging people, inviting people to things, asking about how people are actually doing and if there is anything I could do to help them. I know its not just my perception as I can count exactly how many times a person invites me to do something with them vs how many times I ask them. If I am lucky that ratio will be 2:1 with someone and there have been quite a number of cases where it is 10:0. Have you ever invited yourself to visit someones house? Like you ask them if you can come over, and sure they say yes, but they'll never invite you themselves? Anyway after a few bad experiences like that I didn't blame the people, I tried to better myself, making myself more open and approachable, greatly improving my abilities so that people might be interested to ask about them more, and so on. What did I learn from that? That you can walk on the moon (or equivalent) and nobody will care about it. It doesn't matter how good at something I am or how passionate about something I am, nobody ever cares enough to even ask anything further on it. So its not that I can't maintain a relationship with a person its that I am the ONLY one maintaining it, and the instant I stop trying or have a week where I disappear or whatever, the person won't be concerned or care or think about me at all. Then at that point, how can I try when I know it will be taken for granted and not reciprocated or even really cared about? I hate it more than you can possibly imagine.
