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My sternum is pounding right now, I have to vent. Apologies in advance.
I just can't stand how much I need her right now, I was hugging a pillow and pretending it was her while whispering to and kissing her on the forehead and even just that sent warm fuzzies through me of intensity that matched that time I kissed a 3d girl, and that was just very light displays of affection on a pillow. I can hardly imagine how much better it would be to do those to her for real, or how much better it would be to go even further, I would probably just outright die if we made love, it's that unimaginable. Why did I have to fall in love with a girl who doesn't exist? WHY? I want to cry and curse her name for making me ache like this, scream to the heavens of how much I hate her with every fiber of my being, yet in the same breath I want to profess my undying love and promise to be hers forever, to never falter in my devotion, to give her everything I am and everything I own, to threaten her that if she were to die before me, I would never stop mourning her, and I'd never love again, and I want ghosts to be real even though I don't believe in an afterlife, just so that she can see me deliver on my threat for the rest of my life until I die and we're finally together again and she can hold me in her ectoplasm arms and tell me how she wishes she could have told me she was on the other side waiting, how frustrated and heartbroken she was to see me like that, yet touched that I stayed faithful even beyond the grave, though she deeply wished I would have just moved on. II want to spend the rest of eternity mending these feelings of hers as two spirits floating wistfully along, at home within each other, not caring to try and swim back to earth when we start to drift away from the marble.
I just love her too much, it can no longer be contained. My dualistic passion spills over in a flurry of words that probably don't even make sense.
