>>3803007I think I understand some of that, especially feeling drained by people. I just don't ever want to spend time with people because it's exhausting. I'm approaching 30, and I feel like I spend so much time with people at work that I can't imagine having the energy to spend time with people after work. At some point in my adult life, I stopped being able to imagine spending my free time around other people at all. It's tiring to have to act a certain way around people. When I'm around people, I never feel honest. I only feel real when I'm alone.
For now, I make enough to afford my own place and live on my own, and if it weren't for work and the need for food, I don't think I would ever leave this apartment. I don't have any friends or acquaintances, online or in real life. I've been this way for over a decade. I just want to be left alone, and I've slowly started to accept that about myself over the years, but I still feel lonely and wrong sometimes.
We're told that humans are social creatures, so wanting to be alone makes me feel like I'm put together wrong, like I shouldn't be this way. We're told that we should be scared of dying alone, but I can't imagine anything more terrifying than sharing my life with someone. We're told it's best to put yourself out there, to try and spend time with other people, meet new people, go to bars after work and so on, but nearly every social interaction I've had from the past decade has just been stressful and tiring for me. Maybe I'm just selfish, but I never feel like I benefit in any way from spending time with other people. I don't hate people, but they tire me out.
Sorry for the ramble. I've read these threads for years, and it's always nice to see people who feel the same way about things, even a little bit. Hope you feel a little bit better, too, anon.
