>>14633028Alright, Sammy. We're going to rehabilitate you.
First thing you've got to do is shave your head. Grow out a beard the best you can, don't worry if its patchy, there's no need to overthink here just go with it
Put on like 50 pounds, fat preferably. 60 or 70 would be even better. Again, not overthinking things here, just do it and thank me later
Now, you need a catch phrase. I'm thinking you should go with "whump." Just sprinking it throughout your promos. "That's so whump." "I'm going to whump all over the ring." "What the whump, Poncho?" (Yes, start calling the people you talk to Poncho. It'll go great)
Drop the fancy flippy shit. You can't do it anyway because we've put a bunch of weight on you anyway. Dance moves are where it's at. Slap your ass, both hands. Do the worm, but do a shitty version of it. Again, this is going to be awesome, remember that cool people just do and don't bother thinking. You'll thank me afterwards.
When someone comes out to cut a promo at you, don't bother responding. Just stare at him like you've never heard someone talk to you before and say, "Baby likes peanuts." It's better if you shit your diaper while saying this (I forgot to mention, your ring attire should be a diaper and a shirt, preferably the one with the three wolves and the moon. Just awesome.)
I promise you, if you do all this, people will *care* about you. They absolutely won't shut up about you. When fans talk about a wrestler, that's how you know that the wrestler in question is "over", and being "over" is good in this business.
Get to it, Sammy. You're going to do great.