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Where those of the other races that embark upon a literary career do so in the main to entertain or educate, ideally both, the Goblin literati seeks precisely the opposite: to disinform and demoralize.
Thus the Goblin Literat does not need a high level of literacy, as he seeks not to appeal to the finer sensibilities and intellect of his audience, but to assault and insult them, with an aim to make them "seef n mald."
Elven accounts replete with early Sæns (political dialogues conducted in poetry) held between the Everqueen and various Boss Gobbs that ended with the Goblins repeatedly answering the Elves' arguments and demands with
>YER PLOPPA!
>KEKEKEKEKEK
>YERZ PLOPPAAA!
Communications of this tenor and delivery, what Goblins universally call "shid-plasten", gains immensely from Goblinese, itself a linguistic kludge of pidgin bricolage. By combining the worst concept-vehicles of every common language they encounter, a Goblin can reliably cause universal offense to any civilized race with every utterance should they so wish, which is always.
Of course there must be occasions when "shid-plasten" is not at all possible, such as when the Goblin is outnumbered or suffering strepthroat. At such times and places the Goblin that cannot be vocal may elect to be fecal.
That is, they will shit in such a way as to cause affront, a supreme economy of mutually understood communication with not one word spoken.
Merely defecating on hostile territory is not sufficient: on top of sending a vile message the Goblin seeks to destroy his victim's sense of security and sanctity in one. Thus, the shid-plasta will endeavor to break into his victim's domicile and inner rooms if possible, and in a separate space within that separate space, the designated "shid drawer", such as, for example, a sock drawer, the Goblin will attempt to make leavings. This is usually "shidz", though if the occupant is female "koomz" may be given as a ready substitute. He will attempt this multiple times, up to the point his "baitz" are discovered, whence the victim is considered "ratio'd" by [total leavings]:1.
By all accounts the odor begins horrendous and gets worse with time, and the stains are often indelible. The Goblin intestinal end-tract and anus, "the bugghole" so-called because their insect-centric diet expurges the undigestable carapaces in such a way that it seems they are swarming out of a "bug-hole", is a field of study both compelling and grossly underfunded because possibly no one can be paid enough.
The most logical response is counterproductive: getting too quickly rid of the befouled furniture will provoke the Goblin to "mma fuggen do it ugun".
The best recourse would be to simply leave things as they are without outcry, while planting a quantity of Explosive Runes in the "shid drawer" and laying the room over with painter's sheet.
-[Goblinas inna Must] by Unna Pheel Hamilkas
