>>6167385I drew up a comic for you to show what is in my mind as im reading this. Take a look at it before reading the rest of this post.
I think a big problem LOTS of qms have is that they build up a scene in their head and write from it. But they forget that I cant see whats in their head. So like they will think up of a scene in a kitchen with two people eating or something, but then only actually write out the conversation they are having. I the reader don't KNOW they are in a kitchen. Or the characters will be on a boat but the QM never even says it, then suddenly there is a fish and im left wondering where it came from.
And from what I am reading this is pretty much a case of that. You are probably trying to hook the readers with a tense start like this but I have no idea what is happening here. I don't even know this is a fantasy quest or a dune fanfic.
If any other anon thinks im off base please feel free to correct me. If you think this poster did a good job, then please tell him so. Maybe im just retarded
