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<span class="mu-s">BREAKING NEWS!</span>
The previously reported megafauna, coined by locals as the ‘Arctic Ursa’, was last sighted exiting Alaska and making its way into open waters. Satellite observation ceased when it entered the Arctic Ocean Spatial Distortion, and attempts to continue tracking it are underway. In other news, worldwide reports of-
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-total ecological collapse of the Solomon Islands and their surrounding waters. Reports from Honiara have come in, warning of a ‘gigantic organism’ that has covered a large amount of its biosphere, and the city itself, in organic webbing. The DRA is in the process of scrambling relief efforts, and the Labor Party has pledged its full support in this time of crisis. Meanwhile, Papua New Guinea is fearful of-
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-the frighteningly high death toll in Ísafjörður. Survivors have, disturbingly, been found in severe states of hysteria. The destruction of the surrounding regions leave experts cautious of the possibility of a megafauna attack, considering the current state of duress that the rest of the world has been placed under.
“Whatever this is, it’s no coincidence,” said-
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-local fishermen, who have been reporting sightings of a ‘Giant Enemy Lobster’ off the coast of Cuba. While there have been no direct attacks on vessels, fishing operations have been heavily disrupted, and the coastal flooding points to heavy and repeated water displacement within the North Atlantic Ocean. Puerto Rico-
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-is under attack. We repeat, Manila is under attack. In the early hours of the morning, a superspecies resembling a turtle emerged from the ocean and immediately began destroying infrastructure. All contact has been lost with on-site reporters, and we-
What?
Breaking news. The Sandatahang Lakas ng Pilipinas has managed to muster a full-scale military response. After deploying tanks and aircraft to the wreckage of Manila, the creature abandoned its attack and fled into the sea. The Philippine Navy is putting together an effort to trace it, and has sworn to eliminate this threat before-
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“-it destroys us all. Don’t you get it? The mushroom. It’s ALIVE. We tried to burn it, we tried to kill it, and now it’s mad.”
“All I mean is that… This thing is a part of nature. And nature has its way of-”
“There’s nothing natural about this thing! NOTHING! I’ve seen the *bleep*ing autopsies, I’ve looked at photos of ground zero. Ask any expert other than me, and they’ll tell you that-”