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If you couldn't...? But you could definitely get to Level 3! It seems simple enough, you have the stuff for it! If your own skills don't get you there, nepotism should! If you can't get anywhere here, like you're fired, you'd transfer back to Germany and have your father put in a word, as soon as he can. And even if that happens, there's always some other city! And the lottery!
"There's always a chance," you answer. "If I can't find it here, there's always somewhere else where I can find the way forward I need."
"Unless you are barren," the black swan replies, her tone as dry as burnt wood.
You zone out for a bit.
You imagine yourself in the middle of a valley, seeking to escape to someplace better. To do that, you will have to climb a mountain and walk beyond.
You abandon your home town. You learn a new language. You sign yourself on to kill criminals and unnatural monsters. You do. You spill blood, for months. Years, perhaps. Slowly earning more, preparing for greater, as you rise through the ranks. Walking further from the comfort you once knew. Climbing higher and higher up the mountain of success, in order to move past it and reach a promised land.
And then, at a precipice, you see that between you and where you always wanted to be, is a bottomless ravine. At first, you'd might think it'd simply be wide, but only from this high could you see that it was always surrounding you. There was no way you could go to go past it. You would have always been doomed.
There are yet higher peaks for you to reach... but to what end? There's something to be had in achievements, but you only ever wanted to be someplace else, that you'd now realize was forever beyond your reach.
The first thing that slips into your mind is the feeling of sinking your weapon into a living creature. But no. However much it would help you vent frustration, stacked bodies could never build a bridge long enough.
You'd might as well throw yourself in.
"Not that you are, of course. Your medical records suggest no such ailment."
The director's words make you realize the awful vision has been sinking its claws into you. You shake your head and snap back to reality.
Now comes the painful task of explaining this to her. You swallow your fear and say something. "I would not take it well. I'm not sure what I would do then, what I would do... instead. I am... goal-oriented. I-if I couldn't... have a family... I-I-"
"I understand completely," Katriina interjects. Her smile has been gone. "I did not take it well myself."
You politely wait for her to continue into some longer, enlightening monologue.
She doesn't.