You are Sir Guy of Kekburg. Ten years ago you left for the crusades in the holy lands not for horse crap like chivalry or honor but to kill Saracens. After a decade of killing Saracens you're finally home but home isn't what you remember-

>your wife slept with three hundred other men while you were on the crusades
>a band of nubian mercenaries are living in your castle and they also slept with your wife
>happy merchants have been digging secret tunnels under your castle
>all of the above