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Went to every Wal-Mart within driving distance to look for G2 Sideswipe, and not only did I not find him, I didn't even find a single fucking bot from the entire Toxitron set. At this point I've wasted my entire weekend and more money on gas than it would have cost me to just buy online.
Apparently, I need to do this once every few years to remind myself that I'm not wrong to just pay ebay scalper tax and get on with my life.