>>53921056I definitely get your point. I actually have been on antidepressants and anxiety meds for about 10 years now. Honestly, I was just planning on keeping the drugs coming to make life bearable until it was time to end it, but I underestimated how long that will take.
I have talked to my doctor I meet up with every month or so, and he suggests therapy, but the money and time it would take are a problem, especially now because the economy is ass, my bills have gone up, and I’m making less than I have in years. I just genuinely can’t get out of this headspace where I feel I deserve to suffer for being inferior to others. But besides that, I can feel all emotions with equal intensity, so I could be convinced to have kids of my own if I do find someone, which I just cannot allow. I’d never forgive myself for fathering children with my inferior genetics.
I am almost to the point where having a small penis isn’t making me too scared to engage in sex stuff, but I’m not there yet. It is progress, I suppose. I just hate seeing me in the mirror every day and wish that myself and things in general could be different. Plus, I’m pretty old. I’ve missed out on high school, college, and my 20’s, so what’s left? Maybe a compromise is to get a lobotomy. If I could shut my brain down enough, maybe I’d have a chance at being happy.
I feel you, I do, and I can’t stand sitting around waiting to die, I just feel stuck because I hate being me even more.
I just know I’ll eventually get tired of people’s shit again and end up where I’m at now.
I haven’t got the slightest idea what to do….
I admire Lillie’s attitude and outlook and wish I could be more like her.
