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There are so many wrong things with me.
First with my attitude, when I'm with my family I'm someone apathetic, and I usually act rude with them, which is why I usually stay locked in my room whenever I get home. But when I'm out, I feel really insecure about myself, out of sudden I act really kind to everyone and I even let others treat me like trash, basically my attitude completely turns into the opposite way it is.
I can't do anything because no matter what, everyday I say something cringey or mean irl, and for some reason everytime I'm feeling good, I remember such acts and fill myself with regret and struggle.
I'm always unsure about everything, I can't take decisions without feeling regretful, which is why I have one year since I haven't entered at an university, since I don't know what career should I pick.
I have difficulties explaining anything to anyone irl, which sometimes lead me to stay in blank when I'm talking.
Since I was 8 years old, I have been suffering a seasonal depression each winter related about my mother dying, or the earth being consumed by the sun (educational video did this to me), things I love ending out of sudden, what death feels like, what happens during death and the things that I won't see after suffering it.
Luckily I haven't suffered another one since 4 years.
