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My best friend's concerned with me not having a gf. I never had any relationship cause i've got no feeling of self worth and i feel like i don't deserve a relationship. So recently she made me approach my crush. She watched me talk to her from a distance. Now I regularly send her screenshots of me talking to my crush, stuff like us joking, making plans for going out and so she's under the impression that i might finally break my dry spell.
In reality my crush said no when i talked to her and i haven't talked to her since. The screenshots i send my friend are all fabricated. I renamed my grandpa "crush" in my contact lists, downloaded whatsapp on his phone and put a pic of the girl i like, so in reality those screenshots aren't me breaking out of my comfort zone but me talking to myself on two phones. I've fabricated a whole personality for my crush and gave her manerisms like her using a lot of emojis, propper ortography and short sentences, whereas i use no emojis, don't capitalise my letters and use no commas and periods and write longer messages, to give off the ilusion that i'm talking to a separate human being. I feel bad for lying to my best friend, but i'm way too deep in this to just quit. She expects us to go first base any day now and i'm afraid she might find out later on if she wants to meet her or if i slip and give myself away.
