>>54100042Hey Sterling-anon! I got around to reading Chapters 2-4, so I'll share my thoughts on them.
First of all, my previous criticism about purple prose still applies. I also think there was too much repetition in various parts, such as where you repeatedly talk about characters feeling resolve and determination (especially with Sterling in chapter 2), or how Sterling's new friends are concerned for his well-being. In addition, I feel like you gloss over his new body too much; it's such a bizarre and inhuman form, I think it deserves more exploration and description than it got here. Also, the final scene of Chapter 4 feels out of place and disconnected from everything else, and ends abruptly. I think it could've been woven into the story better.
On the other hand, I believe you wrote good descriptions in some parts, such as the landscapes and the physical behavior/actions of the characters. Speaking of which, the characters seem likable so far. In particular, I enjoyed the little moment with the Oran Berries. It did a good job of showing the characters' friendship and personalities. I also found the flashback/dream sequence interesting, and you did a good job conveying the creepy/unsettling tone. I'm quite intrigued by the white-haired anime girl and your overall plans for the story, but I guess we'll have to wait and see where that all leads.
Sorry for taking a while to read/review your last few chapters. I'll try to get to this new chapter soon.
>>54110197Gotta take care of your story too, Stumpy-anon. I actually got through most of it already, but still have to finish reading it and organizing my thoughts on it.
>>54109467I still don't get this meme
>>54110181I think it would be a good first game for a newcomer. It's straightforward enough and has good QoL features.
>>54110248Very cute. Always nice to see these friends having fun.
>>54110258delete this