>>54988798Great story, I loved it very much!
The characters are amazing, I love how different and weird all three of them are. Mr.Gible is especially funny. I imagine him with the voice of Alex Jones lol. I loved when he mispronounces things he hears like "Gaping town", that was hilarious.
> some blue thing with a smiley face came out of a pond and repeatedly said 'Chest Pain', i think it was calling out for someonefucking kek
Your writing style is more dialog-focused, which is great to introduce 3 new characters in a single origin story, as we get to learn more about them as they talk with each other.
Also,
>scene where noodle suddenly hugs Hans out of nowhereYou can't just jump scare readers with CUTEness like that...
My favorite thing about your story was how many guild characters cameo'd in it! You clearly read quite a few stories, it was awesome to see the trio meet familiar cloverguild characters!
I'm happy to have the three friends into the guild. Great job on your first story =)
>>54989675I skimmed it again and I believe the edits you made were beneficial!
>>54989675>feel a bit dissatisfied with myself this time, but have to continue.Really? I liked it a lot when I first read it. But I get it, I feel that way too sometimes even if people assure me they liked my work. Your next story is going to be even more kino!
