>>54691376also pretty sure I'm into that because when I was kid I was (somewhat) neglected but my older sister painted my nails when she had her friend over at a very young age, at the time I didn't really have the concept of gender in my head all I knew is girls were different so that's why i prefer the positive aspects of it, never had the "girls are icky" thing outside of certain aspects
mind you I wasn't abused by my folks and got three meals a day a clean house warm bed but it felt like I had to earn affection or it felt hollow so I just shut off my emotions to the point where I started to push people away (not helped by my mother being in a couple of toxic relationships with abusive boy friends to the point of feeling unsafe in my own home and my dad moving on with a new family though I don't hate him for that considering how bad she can be though I do have my issues with him, my mom is far worse, very arrogant classic Karen type which has only gotten worse as she has aged though she's stopped seeing people fortuitously)
literally called me useless once due to her ex, she only dumped him because she got mistreated and made me absolutely miserable that was her lowest point long story short that's why I have trust issues and push people away and want that feeling of letting my guard down with someone I trust, she's still a bit arrogant but it's never been as bad since I've started calling her out on her shitty behavior.
it's fucked up, I'm just fundamentally broken.