>>31038785Thanks for reading it; I'm happy you liked it in general, and many thanks for your feedback and advice on the last part. Honestly, even while I was writing it, I wasn't sure how it would turn out. Though it wraps up the lingering plot thread of 23 and 25's jealousy, maybe it could have been done better.
I'll think about what you said and try to decide what to do with the last part. I've been told before that some of my writing has too much telling, so if it's still got that flaw, I definitely want to get rid of it here. I'll probably keep the same plot, but maybe cut back on the length of the expositiony talk between Taranza and Coba at the end, and show some more emotion out of the Combee once they're
exiled as opposed to just having them stare at Taranza all scared and such.
As for how Taranza was let into the swarm, that's actually explained in the main story: basically,
he and the queen were both caught by a human researcher at one point in the past, back before she built her swarm, and that gave them a chance to get to know each other. After they got released by the human, they stayed together, and she let him join her swarm despite not being a Combee. I never thought about it before, but now that you bring it up, it does sound like a bit of a plot hole for people who don't read the other story (which is understandable--it's got problems of its own). Perhaps I'll add in a clarifying line or two somewhere in this story, so people aren't left wondering about it.
Lastly, I think those ideas of yours at the end aren't half bad. I've had a few plans floating around my head to implement the UB invasion from Sun/Moon into my stories, and perhaps make that part of a larger theme throughout them all. Maybe I'll do something with your Pheromosa idea in the future, but for now I've got other projects to take care of.
Again, thanks for your comments and advice. I'll see what I can do about improving the last chapter.