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I just want a huge fluffpile to cuddle with.
I hate my father yet I can't show him. I hate how he doesn't listen to anyone unless you literally take his hand and show him why he's wrong. I hate how he doesn't read the instructions and has endangered himself and others, including me, multiple times because of this. I hate how he can't control his anger and has, again, endangered me with his outbursts. I hate how he isn't actually a bad person but rather how there's something different in his head and he doesn't mean any harm. I hate how he keeps repeating the same mistakes and not learning form them.
But most of all I hate how I'm afraid he'd start drinking again if he knew how I and others close to him feel. So I keep pretending I'm a good son who likes his father.