>>53425135I checked the dialogue scene again. I think it could still be improved a bit more, but it's definitely better now with the new changes.
>1. I wasn't quite sure about the tone or if it was getting too casualI think a casual tone is fine for first-person POV. That makes it feel more personal, like the narrator's sitting there and telling you a story.
>2. I wrote that intro back before I was sure on whether to do a direct rewrite of the original source or expand it to a fuller story, and I thought about getting rid of it when the body of the story was turning out much longer than expected.I do feel like the intro could be cut without affecting the story much, but leaving it in is fine too.
>4. An aside, but I feel like my sense of scale is off between the three. Just threw pic rel together and now I'm even less sure.I have trouble imagining the sizes of my characters, too. I made a picture of my own to try and visualize it better. It's probably wrong, but should be a decent ballpark estimate. Also, it's possible the characters are a bit taller or shorter than the average size for their species, so we don't really have to be super precise with their relative sizes.
>5. Your stories are among my favorites here so the fact mine got a vote of confidence from you means a lot. Truly, thank you for the kind words (and criticism!). I wasn't initially planning on writing anything else mainly for lack of any idea of what to write about, but now... idk, I just might.I'm happy to hear you like my stories so much! Thanks, and good luck with whatever you write next!
