>>37270251This IS better, but for reasons you might not realize.
First, rule of thirds. Not important in every piece, but in general, you want to put important subjects or details either at the center, near the four intersections, or along the four lines. Try putting the rule-of-thirds grid to other pictures, and you'll frequently see interesting patterns. If I were to try and draw this myself, I'd put her head right on that upper right intersection.
Second, empty space. Less empty space is better. A slightly better pose would be to have her head tilted down, so the nose points down and fills in more of that empty space, but the problem is already largely fixed by shortening the image and bringing her farther left.