My brother and I were pretty regular brats and we took a lot of
sadistic and humiliating treatment from our mother. One of her
favorite punishments was tying us to chairs. Sometimes she'd make
us wear diapers. We were old enough to be extremely mortified by it.
She made my brother play outside like that once.
Another fun things my mother did to me was to dress me up like a
girl. She put makeup on me and curlers in my hair and thought
what a cute girl I would have made. Obviously, with three boys
she must have wanted a girl, but what a crummy thing to do. I went
a long with it but felt really embarrassed.
I have a lot of hatred for women and a lot of it is from my
mother. A lot of resentment came out -- just that she wasn't
my real mother. I guess I have some anger at my real mother
for abandoning me even though I understand she tried to get
custody.
After she ran out of ways to punish us we had to sit and think
of our own punishments. I spent a lot of time thinking of
different ways to be punished. This is where I got a lot of
my guilt and shame and when I learned to be self-punishing.
