Chandelure.
When I was 13, I met a girl over the internet. Over the course of the next few years,
we fell in love. Neither of us knew how to handle it. It was our first taste of real love,
and it was split by hundreds of miles. It turned toxic and manipulative. We would make eachother jealous, she would call me on skype and then cut herself in front of me. She wouldn't eat for days at a time. I started skipping school, staying in bed all day, just generally being a jaded and bitter little shit,
racked by depression and depersonalization.
Deep down, we both cared for eachother.
We loved eachother. We just didn't know any better. We were stupid kids. Sometime,
around when I was 16 or 17, she finally came up to visit. Things were great, for a while.
But... something overcame me. I don't know.
It sounds like a stupid fucking excuse,
but I just completely lost myself. I gave her the whole 'just the tip' ultimatum. I just wanted to know what it would feel like. She contested,
but somehow, we ended up doing it anyways.
I don't remember how it went down. I just know that it wasn't what she wanted. It didn't even bother me at first. I honestly don't even think I knew it was wrong... Things went on.
She continued her trip here like normal. We were happy, or at least it seemed that way.
Years later, we ended up splitting up for good.
Things between us had only escalated.
The manipulation, the paranoia, the lying.
It was too much for anyone to handle. I ended up evaluating everything that happened in the relationship, and when I reached that, I was stricken with this feeling of horror and self-loathing. I couldn't believe that I'd done that to her. She came here, alone and young, hoping to finally see her boyfriend after so many years and I abused her trust in the most vile way possible. Years later, we ended up on good terms and talked about it. She told me how it made her feel, and
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